Just forward my mail already. That’s right, you heard me, can’t you tell by the gazillion Instagram posts that I’ve pretty much been living at Neiman Marcus this week? Between the ah-maz-ing Modernist fashion show for Fall 2013, stalking the Manolo Blahnik BB Bar, obsessing over not one, but two Stella McCartney bags, and Project Beauty, I am in desperate need of a room at couture rehab courtesy of Mr. #KenTrends himself. Is there such a thing? C’mon, we can be roomies.

Shall we go over the trends for Fall 2013 again, kiddies? We’re going to have a pop quiz later this week students so study, study, study! OK, now repeat after me… Rocker Chic (invest in that biker jacket!), Lace Noir (oh, so seksi,) Red: The New Neutral, Violet Femme, Boys Town, and Animal Magnetism (Grrrrrrrrr!) Accessories: pointy shoes, mini-handbags, multifaceted necklaces and the Fall Face. Bobbi or Kevyn? Bobbi or Kevyn? Oh, sorry! I forgot I had an audience for a moment. Well in case you’re wondering, I think I’m going to go Bobbi for peeps and Kevyn for pout.

The Modernist runway was bananas. You know how I know this show was exceptional? By the fact that when I went to edit my shots, every single look that I worshipped came out super extra blurry because my heart was racing so fast my hand wouldn’t stop shaking. I need to download a great stabilizer app or perhaps some type of high-fashion couture Xanny IV drip! Pfft. Only Anna would understand. There are no do overs in the world of fashion (said in my best exaggerated Joan Crawford voice,)  so I must accept, repent and move on even if I just want to curl up on these animal magnetism chiavari chairs with a copy of the September issue and dream. Dream I said! Is that so bad?

Each model that graced the catwalk had one piece or another that I absolutely fixated on. As in lasers locking in on a target beaming straight from my eyes. It was almost as if every sound around me was scream, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!” From gold metallic pants, biker jackets galore, works of art from Oscar de la Renta in the form of ball gowns,  single soled-pointy toe booties as far as my Lasik eyes could see, and lace noir up the ying yang, I was ready for my shot of redemption.

And before I could check myself into the Betty Ford wing for fashion victims (ahem…) addicts, the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine fell from the sky unto us unworthy fashion disciples…

I saw my unicorn. I had no idea anything like this existed. Wham! It was Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go MTV 80s, mixed with Barbie and The Rockers meet Awesome. I had no idea who the genius behind this (saturated) neon pink fur baseball jacket with these bad arse skunk tail (I know, I know chevron pattern, but skunk sounds so much more punk rock) sleeves, but I knew it was greatness. And I should’ve known, it was the only other man on this planet besides JetSet Hubs that makes my heart go pitter-patter, Mr. Tom Ford. Sigh.

The show overall was an absolute hit and rocked my bright lights, big city world. If you need me, I’ll be on the Second Floor under one of the Couture Salon racks daydreaming.

[Oh, and total sidebar] I now know when I grow up, I want to be the musical director for fashion shows. I want to set the mood, create the playlist and watch all the magic unfold. I’d be really good at that. Like, really good. Grammy Award good. (Ground control to Major JetSet Mom…time to get your head out of the clouds now!)

GEORGE MICHAEL | “Freedom ’90” (1990) from BeppeTrevis on Vimeo.

What trend are you most excited about? Three guess which one mine is! \m/